What is Wrong With The Message on Confidence and Insecurity?

What’s All This Talk About Insecurity? 

It seems that anywhere you click online whether on social media, YouTube, magazines, or blog posts we are bombarded with the same message: insecurity and self-confidence. Books, blogs, pictures, ads, and even women’s conferences have joined the “you are beautiful, you are talented, you are smart, you can do whatever you want” bandwagon. You, you, you. Can YOU see what’s wrong here? The focus on the self.

I can understand the secular world’s constant worry over insecurity and confidence. 

I can even understand how positive messages re-affirming others about their worth helps them feel beautiful, accepted, understood, and validated.

What I cannot understand is why Christians have adopted the same method to deal with these issues. Why are we telling men and women especially, to be confident in themselves, their talents, and their looks? Why are Christian women attracted like bees to honey to the message of identity, value, confidence, and insecurity?  And why are books like “Girl, Wash Your Face” bestsellers?

The answer is so obvious – we lack holiness and obedience, we lack daily communion with Abba. In short, we lack the Holy Spirit in our lives.

Oh yes, it’s true and I know that you know that because if we were Spirit-filled, we wouldn’t feel insecure, we would know our value, and we would walk with the confidence that God is in control- that even our talents and abilities are wholly dependent upon God’s sovereignty and grace.

You see, the world looks to the self for everything because they don’t know God like we Christians claim to do. So it worries me that our message isn’t any different than theirs. Oh sure, we’ll throw in a verse here and there and talk about how God is our strength and how our identity comes from Him. But it seems to me that these phrases are only added as an afterthought- the icing to the cake rather than the full portion. Because after it has been said and done we go back to looking at the self for value, completion, beauty, and smarts.

We spend 95% of the time talking about how our talents will get us far and how beautiful we are and 5% adding a Scriptural verse or two.

We know from whence our strength, identity, value, and beauty come from but we don’t really believe it. Because if we did we wouldn’t need all those books, conferences, clothes, and makeup to make us feel “empowered” and “beautiful.” We are mostly powerless because we rely on temporal and weak foundations instead of standing on the Rock.

“Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: and the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.” (Matthew 7:24-27)

I would like to address insecurities a little more in-depth for a minute here. Insecurities stem from the heart of those who look to the self for worth. I’m talking about all types of insecurities both physical and mental. Insecurity is tied to a lack of confidence and self-esteem. Can I be bold for a minute here? Self-confidence does not solve the self-esteem issue, it only makes you egocentric and drives you further away from God. Self-confidence is inherently a synonym for pride.

I believe the mistake we are making is in the way we address our inner problems.

Instead of directing people to the self by telling them that they’re beautiful and smart and talented, we need to direct them to God alone. The truth is that we are not beautiful, smart or talented on our own. If we have any ability at all it’s because it pleased the LORD to gift it to us. Confidence is not obtained through our own strength but in our complete obedient dependence on Him. We walk with confidence when we walk in obedience first.

“It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man. It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in princes.” (Psalm 118:8-9)

The focus of the message needs to change from the self to God. Instead of talking and writing about self-empowerment and outward beauty, we should talk more about holiness, obedience, revival, and personal intimacy with God. And not just talk about it but help those who struggle (at some point we struggled too, or still do).

I know that insecurities are a real thing, trust me, I have struggled with my own, however, I’ve come to realize that insecurities stem from my trying to look at myself for help instead of going to the Father. Being insecure is listening to what the world is saying instead of reading the Truth in the Word.

Other times, our insecurities come from vanity and comparison.

So many women are striving for the perfect hair and perfect body, etc. Others compare their talents with those of others. But the truth is that the one important thing we need to be striving for is holiness. Holiness takes our eyes away from ourselves and puts them on Heavenly things, the Holy things of God. Turn your heart, mind, and soul toward God and watch the change in you. Before long, these insecurities will start to fade away and you will never need to rely on yourself again. You can rest assured.

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

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