For Those Struggling to Feel Validated

Why Don’t I Feel Validated?

I see it everywhere, an overwhelming problem with feelings of invalidation and/ or anchoring the worth of our accomplishments on how many likes we get. There’s this hunger almost- a desperate need to have the opinions of others give credence to our work and sometimes even our feelings.

It doesn’t always have to be the number of “likes” on a photo or the number of followers but even a simple negative comment can have the power to destroy our confidence. Sure, negativity makes us feel bad, but it doesn’t have to be that way. We need to stop giving others the power to dictate how we feel about ourselves, whether good or bad.

[bctt tweet=”30 Verses For Those Struggling With Validation” username=”TheScribe_Blog”]

The thing is that sometimes we aren’t even aware that we are basing our value on others.

And even when we become aware, we continue to struggle with it. The question that demands an answer is why? Why do we feel invalidated?

While pondering all this I came to the conclusion that there are 3 reasons why we sometimes struggle with feeling validated. These are; insecurity, deceit, and pride. All 3 are connected in some way and it makes sense that we would have these struggles because we are human and our feelings are very real.

It’s important to note that we don’t have to give in to feelings. In fact, the Bible says that above all else, the heart is deceitful. The Bible warns us not to follow our hearts because it will lead us astray because feelings are fleeting and ever-changing.

However, feelings also stem from bigger and more complicated problems.

I believe the reasons I mentioned above are the culprits (or at least part of the problem) as to why we have the propensity to feel invalidated. I will address each of these 3 reasons with Scripture and explain why they invoke feelings of invalidation.

Insecurity

I believe the biggest reason why we feel like our work or our feelings are not validated is because of insecurity. We are insecure because of a painful past or experiences. Verbal and physical abuse play a huge role in insecurity. Abandonment and lack of love and affection also. This is very understandable and my heart goes out to all of you who have painful pasts. But you don’t have to allow your past to control your present. Who they told you, you are is a lie, your worth and value come from God alone. God says that you are a good and perfect creation.

And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day. (Genesis 1:31)

If you believe those ugly feelings of invalidation are coming from insecurity, I pray these verses may help you find answers and cause you to meditate. With God, you have nothing to worry about, rest in Him. Give Him all your worries and all your sorrows. Look to Him for your identity. Turn off the overwhelming noise around you that says that you’re not enough. If God made you the way you are with all those gifts, then you are more than enough. Guard your heart with God’s Truth.

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.“ (1 John 4:18)

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.“ (Philippians 4:6-9)

“Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: and yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.“ (Matthew 6:25-34)

“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.“ (Proverbs 4:23)

“The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.“ (John 10:10)

“These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.“ (John 15:11)

“But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.“ (1 Samuel 16:7)

Deceit

This one is very relevant for us today. With the outpouring of media, it is easy to fall into society’s lies. Those voices who say you have to look a certain way, act like this or that, accomplish such and such by 25, the American Dream, etc all of it is toxic. I know because I struggled with this one for a very long time. I wasted so much of my youth trying to be “successful.” My self-motivating, perfectionist, ambitious personality was an easy target.

While my friends were talking about video games, music, TV, and crushes in 5th grade, I was already thinking about going to college. I was your typical American girl thinking about the American dream and making my parents proud. Had it all figured out, I would land my dream job by 22, get married by 25 and become a mom by 27. I would have a nice home, a good car, and a comfortable living.

While these were good things to desire, it was not healthy. You see, like many others, I bought into society’s view on happiness and fulfillment. I believed that I had to have these things by a certain time frame or else I would end up alone, poor and living under a bridge.

Needless to say, reality hit me like a bucket of cold water.

Maybe you struggle with feeling accepted. Perhaps you bought into society’s beauty standards and compare yourself to the impossible Instagram models (who by the way, are mostly fake). Or maybe you’re an introvert and they keep telling you that you’ll never succeed unless you’re more outgoing. I know it’s difficult to break away from these lies, I know it’s hard not to believe them. But our problems do not stem from what society says or doesn’t say but rather from ourselves. You can read self-help books, listen to podcasts, and attend conferences, but at the end of the day, you decide whom you will believe; society or God.

One day, I realized that I didn’t need all those things by a certain time. Whose approval did I want? Who said that I had to be married by 25? 

Whoever came up with the idea that you need a 2,000 square foot home, new cars, a family before 30, travel like there’s no tomorrow, and the perfect Instagram picture? I realized how ridiculous it all was and tore up those dreams into tiny pieces. If God wills it, He will give me the desires of my heart, but not before I give Him my complete heart, mind, and soul. But if none of it ever comes true, I am content with that.

I know it’s not easy, but it is freeing. And when you decide to leave all your preconceived notions at the foot of the cross, you will know peace and freedom. I know because I am living in complete freedom from society’s lies. God broke the chains of societal bondage from my life and now I walk in freedom. And I can assure you, so will you if you decide to choose God over all.
I hope these verses may help you if you struggle with believing these lies.

“For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.“(Galatians 1:10)

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” (Romans 12:2)

“And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” (John 8:32)

^“For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” (James 1:20)

“But as we were allowed of God to be put in trust with the gospel, even so we speak; not as pleasing men, but God, which trieth our hearts.” (1 Thessalonians 2:4)

“I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.” (John 5:30)

“And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men” (Colossians 3:23)

“Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.” (Acts 5:29)

Pride

Pride is a big one. This one goes hand in hand with believing lies. I think those of us who struggle with pride the most are more susceptible to believing lies in the first place. But the truth is that we all struggle with pride, some of us more than others. The need to have the acknowledgment and praise from others feeds our ego, so when we lack this encouragement, it can cause us to feel invalidated.

God is not pleased with pride, in fact, He abhors it. The Bible is very clear about that. If you’re struggling with pride, pray, ask the Lord to show you the areas in your life that are filled with pride. Ask Him to forgive you and remove the yoke of pride from your heart and mind. Also, ask the Lord to give you conviction every time you have a prideful thought and cleanse you from all sin.

I pray these verses on pride may help you.

“But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.” (James 4:6)

^“ Thus saith the Lord, Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might, let not the rich man glory in his riches“ (Jeremiah 9:23)

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.“(Philippians 2:3)

“The fear of the Lord is to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate.“ (Proverbs 8:13)

“When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom.“ (Proverbs 11:2)

“Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.“ (Proverbs 13:10)

“Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. Better it is to be of an humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud. Better it is to be of an humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud.“ (Proverbs 16:18-19)

“Before destruction the heart of man is haughty, and before honour is humility.“ (Proverbs 18:12)

“An high look, and a proud heart, and the plowing of the wicked, is sin.“ (Proverbs 21:4)

“Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips.“ (Proverbs 27:2)

“The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek after God: God is not in all his thoughts.“ (Psalms 10:4)

“For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.“ (Romans 12:3)

“For they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.“ (John 12:43)

I hope this post has helped you in some way. There are many reasons for feelings of invalidation, I have only scratched the surface with these. My main purpose with this short post is to at least make you self-analyze and meditate but most importantly, to prompt you to search the Scriptures for yourself.

 

 

 

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