An Open Letter to the Unmarried Young Woman

Dear Unmarried Young Woman,

I know you feel alone. You wish you had someone to share life with. Someone to love and cherish. I know that your biggest desire is to have a family of your own. And that you wanted to be married by 25 and a mother by 27.

I know about those “lonely” nights you secretly cry under the pillow and the whispered, broken prayers for a husband. Because time doesn’t stop for anyone and time is quickly slipping away and you’re getting older. And all your friends and the people who said they’d wait for “the right one” have already tied the knot…except you. So you’re losing hope and with bitter resignation start to accept that God must want you to remain celibate the rest of your life.

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But can I give my two cents?

I’ve been where you are. I, too felt this way until I realized that I had made marriage my idol. Oh, I wasn’t extremely desperate to get married, but I realized that in my desire for marriage, I had made it a central focus in my life. It’s like all my decisions were based off on “when I get married” or “when I have kids.” Singleness is not an impediment to a complete, full life in Christ. A spouse cannot bring you the joy that is only found in God. A man, as much as he may love you, did not die on the cross for you. And if we say we live for Christ but are melancholy because we don’t have a spouse, then we’re not really living for Christ.

When you’re vulnerable, you leave the door wide open for the enemy to plant thoughts of loneliness and self-pity. You see, we are born and grow into a society that drills into your brain that you’re incomplete without a spouse, that to be unmarried means to be alone and lonely, that you NEED a husband in order to be happy. Without even thinking, we fall prey to the preconceived notion that marriage is the end goal of life. And the “advice” of others only cements those lies.

[bctt tweet=”Singleness is not an impediment to a complete, full life in Christ.” username=”TheScribe_Blog”]

You say “I don’t have a boyfriend or a husband.”

And they tell you “Don’t worry, God is preparing someone for you, just be patient and wait.” But the truth is, God may or may not be preparing someone for you. So if you cling to this frail hope, you’ve already lost it. God never promised a spouse to anyone, and He doesn’t owe you nor me a husband. So stop writing letters to your future husband, stop making lists of qualities you want in a man (unless you want to apply them to yourself) and focus in your spiritual relationship with Abba.

Until we learn to live for and with only God, and God alone, we will continue to live with the hope for a spouse. You know what this means to God? That an earthly husband is more important than an eternity spent with Abba. It’s saying to God “I love you, but you’re not enough because I still don’t have a husband.”

From birth and throughout the rest of our lives, we live with the notion of getting prepared for a husband.

Your mom spends most of your childhood teaching you to be a wife. And while this is not bad, for even Scripture commands it, I’ve never heard an adult tell me “Hey, it is not guaranteed that you will get married, focus on God alone and if God wills it, He will give you a husband in His time.” All I ever heard was “God is preparing someone for you.”

And when that someone doesn’t come 20 years later it creates all those feelings you’re now experiencing. Why? Because you based your hopes on a MAN instead of putting your hopes on GOD ALONE! You spent your entire life waiting for a man that may or may never come.

I will say this now,

I’m really tired of living in a world where even Christians don’t understand what it truly means to be content with God alone. Instead of preparing young adults for Heaven they fill their heads with promises God did not make. Always there is the hope for a spouse, a house, a career. Like, “I’m content with God alone but I’m waiting on God’s blessings for my life.” That’s not true contentment in Christ. If our “contentment” hinges on blessings, then it’s not contentment.

Let me ask you this, if God wanted you to remain unmarried the rest of your life, would you be content with that? Is God enough for you?

You must surrender your desire for marriage to God and allow Him to do His will in you. God will not compete for the number one spot in your heart, you must surrender it to Him. It’s not until you empty it out that God can fill it up with Himself and give you back that desire for marriage when and if His time comes.

[bctt tweet=”If our contentment hinges on blessings, then it is not contentment. ” username=”TheScribe_Blog”]
I know this is not what you were expecting to hear, but I’m not here to echo what everybody else is saying. I’m not here to tell you to wait for a husband, I’m here to tell you that you already have all you need in God. You are complete. Singleness is not a bus stop because it just might be your destination.

So no, I won’t tell you that God is preparing someone for you, because I don’t know that. But I do know that The One who is trying to get your attention, is preparing a beautiful place at His table just for you. And one day, you will be married to the only Groom worth waiting for. Of that, I am completely sure my friend.
Love,

Note:

I am NOT against marriage. Marriage is a beautiful privilege the LORD has blessed humanity with. And God did create the woman for the man, because “it is not good that man be alone.” Marriage is just a tiny taste of what life will be like married to The King. My purpose with this post is to exhort the single women who longe for marriage above getting closer to God. I’m not discouraging marriage, on the contrary, my prayers are that God may bless each and everyone of you with someone special. But be content, Abba is sufficient for you!

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